


Tear down your walls.

by fate_incomplete



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:56:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fate_incomplete/pseuds/fate_incomplete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack found the Doctor in London years after Amy, Rory and River were all lost to him. He wanted to reach out, to find the friend he had cared for, for so long, in the broken shell of the Timelord. Instead he brought the walls down, and buried them both in the rubble that was left. .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tear down your walls.

Jack traced his fingers along the curves of the Doctor's back, the contact fleeting, soft, as much as he dared do at times like these. He could feel muscles tense beneath his touch, all those carefully constructed barriers slipping back into place, as if the pleasure of only moments ago had never happened, as the Doctor shut him out.

The Doctor leaned forward, bowing his head, edging ever so slightly out of Jack's reach. The flush of euphoria from his orgasm faded as Jack dropped his hand, knowing that yet again the Doctor would not allow him to return the favour. Reminded that this was a one sided affair Jack closed his eyes, feeling the bed dip as the Doctor stood.

"We can't keep doing this," Jack stated quietly, opening his eyes to see the Doctor turn his head slightly, but not actually looking at Jack.

The Doctor straightened his braces. "I know." He reached down to run his finger over Jack's vortex manipulator where it lay on the bedside table. "You should leave. You should have left a long time ago."

Before Jack could say anything around the painful lump in his throat at those words, the Doctor walked out.

Jack ran his finger through his messed up hair. He rolled over, looking out the open door to the empty corridor. Three months of this, of trying to find the friend he had cared for, for so long, in the cold and broken shell of the Timelord, and nothing had changed.

Every time there had been the slightest crack in the grief and guilt, and there had been precious few of those, the Doctor had shut him out, slammed closed the part of himself that cared so much, too much. The loss of all those he had loved doing more damage than countless enemies had achieved directly, collateral damage bringing down the oncoming storm who had inspired fear in so many.

The burning rage of the Timelord turned inwards with such coldness was terrifying. The edge of danger that had always been there was far sharper, tangible. Jack had heard rumours that even those few left who knew the Doctor were more than worried for him, they were uneasy of what the man who had turned the tide of battles with a single word was now capable of, alone and with no anchor to hold him back. Even so, he hadn't been prepared for the state he had found the Doctor in.

The Doctor had unraveled himself from the threads of the universe, lost himself in shadows.

Jack reached over and picked up his manipulator. If it was anyone else, he would have left long ago. Some people just didn't want to be saved. The Doctor had run hard and far for so long, something Jack was all too familiar with. He clenched the leather in his fingers, feeling it scrape beneath his finger nails, his own demons screaming at him with the fury of a thousand lifetimes, the empty blackness of countless deaths wrapping him in a cold embrace.

Centuries spent alone, battling the inevitable losses his immortality brought had left Jack far more scarred than he would admit even to himself. Whatever urge he had to use the manipulator drowning in the knowledge it would never help, there was nowhere far enough to run to, no escape from the ghosts he carried with him.

Jack hurled the manipulator across the room, the thud of it against the far wall entirely unsatisfying. He ripped the sheet from around himself, finding the first thing that came to hand as his feet hit the floor and tossed that as well, followed by the lamp and a whiskey glass. The sound of shattering glass echoing as he heaved in a breath, wanting to rip the room apart, to break everything he could.

He looked out the door again, wanting to vent his anger at the only other person currently available, even as he wanted nothing more than a single moment of genuine concern and tenderness from him. For months he had been fighting his own needs, had offered whatever comfort he could, but the Doctor wasn't the only one who needed someone to reach out to them. Jack had reached his breaking point, was far beyond it.

Pulling on a pair of pants roughly, a small voice in the back of his head told him to stop, take a breath, before he did something stupid. Jack wasn't in the mood to listen to that voice. Self control only went so far. The long years of his life had stretched that control beyond endurance.

For just a moment he deluded himself into believing he didn't care. That he didn't care what the Doctor needed, and for once was going to let himself take what _he_ needed. All patience gone, he wasn't going to let the Doctor push him aside like some piece of random space junk that didn't matter.

Every night for three months the Doctor had lain in Jack's bed. Had brought Jack to climax with his hands and mouth, without once letting Jack touch him, let Jack offer the same release. The Doctor was wallowing in his self hatred and wouldn't allow himself that sort of pleasure, or any sort of happiness.

Jack didn't need someone to just jerk him off, to blow him until he saw stars. If that was all he needed there were countless others across the universe who could fill that base need. He needed someone to see him, know him, as more than just a freakish temporal anomaly who couldn't die.

Jack needed to register as more than just a warm body to fill an empty space.

The door rattled as Jack slammed it shut on his way out. His desperate fury building, he stalked the corridors until he finally found the Doctor in the library, sitting in the dark staring at the floor. For just a moment Jack hesitated at the despondent slump of the Doctor's shoulders, the edge of his own anger and loneliness dimming in empathy.

Somewhere, through the haze of his bitterness, Jack rationalised that maybe this was what the Doctor needed, for Jack to force him to feel again. The thought stopped Jack in his tracks, uncertain if there was even the slightest truth to that, or if was just pure selfishness.

The Doctor looked up, looking every bit as lost as Jack felt.

"Jack?"

The single word, full of the echo of the man who had never been far from Jack's thoughts for hundreds of years, sent a shiver through his body.

He walked over and knelt in front of the Doctor, reaching up to cup his hands on either side of the Doctor's face. Every regret, mountains of guilt, years of loneliness and anger weighing on him, he didn't know if he was doing this for himself or the Doctor. Maybe it didn't matter. They were both so far gone they may never find their way back again.

Jack leaned in, brushing his lips across the Doctor's, pulling him forwards as he tried to pull back.

The Doctor tensed, as he had every time Jack had tried to kiss him. This time Jack didn't let him get away with it. He pushed up, forcing the Doctor to sit back in the oversized armchair. He moved his hands quickly and grabbed the Doctor's wrists, pushing them to the side as he slid his weight onto the Doctor.

The Doctor didn't try to get away, just tensed even more, holding himself rigid. Jack kissed him again, his mouth, moving to his jaw when the Doctor didn't respond, running his tongue down his neck.

He breathed the Doctor in, before pulling back.

"It's ok to let them go," Jack said quietly. He felt the Doctor flinch. "They made their own choices. We all did."

"I offered them the universe, how could they resist?" The Doctor replied hoarsely.

"I've heard this speech before."

"Doesn't make it any less valid."

Jack groaned in frustration. He kissed the Doctor again, with little response. He closed his eyes, feeling his own desperation overwhelming him again. He had never resorted to begging, his pride kept him from doing it now. He pulled back again, letting go of the Doctor's wrists as he swallowed down the urge to scream or cry.

He opened his eyes to see the Doctor watching him, his expression full of sorrow.

"Jack," he whispered. The Doctor reached up, running his fingers along Jack's jaw. "I can't let them go."

"I know."

"I can't let you go either. I did this to you."

The Doctor's fingers moved to the fine web of lines around Jack's eyes that hadn't been there when they had first met, however many thousands of years ago that had been.

"It doesn't matter," Jack said as he tried to push himself up.

The Doctor moved his hands to hold Jack in place. He leaned forward, wavering for a moment, before kissing Jack. This time he let Jack in, lips parting, deepening the kiss. For the first time since Jack had found the Doctor alone in London, he was allowed to give something back.

Jack leaned into the Doctor, holding his weight with both hands on the arms of the chair on either side of the Doctor, arching in an effort to get closer. He ran his tongue over the Doctor's lips, feeling them part again, allowing him to explore. The Doctor's tongue slid against his own, tentative at first, holding back even as he gave in.

Jack moaned as the Doctor suddenly thrust further into his mouth, body shivering with desperate desire. The Doctor pulled Jack down further, legs tangling awkwardly until the Doctor parted his, allowing Jack to settle between them, half kneeling, half lying.

Hands began to work frantically, Jack ripped at the Doctors bow tie, while the Doctor kneaded fingers into Jack's shoulders. Their positions allowing little room to move, but Jack didn't want to take the time to pull back, intent on devouring the Doctor, to taste him, rolling their tongues over each other, both needing more.

The bow tie finally gave. Jack let it hang loose as he ripped at buttons next. Too impatience to be delicate, he tore half the buttons loose rather than undoing them. He slipped a hand inside, running fingers down the Doctor's ribs, feeling the beat of two hearts.

Out of breath, Jack finally broke their kiss, lips parting, slicked and bruised. Breaths mingling as Jack studied the Doctor, his expression wrecked, his pain written clearly in every muscle, pore, fibre of his being. Whatever was left in Jack that wasn't broken, splintering at the sight. Even if this moment was all he would get, Jack would take it.

However many times in the past Jack had told himself he didn't love the Timelord, it had all been a lie. He leaned back in, this kiss tenderer, yet somehow just as frantic. He may have needed this for himself, but as Jack ran his thumb across the Doctor's cheek, he hoped this was what the Doctor needed too.

Jack closed his eyes, losing himself in the feel of the Doctor's skin beneath his fingers, his lips, and the press of their bodies, pouring out every bit of despair, loneliness, guilt and anger with each flick of his tongue as he moved from the Doctor's mouth, to his jaw, neck, collar bone.

Jack shifted his weight, sliding his hand down the Doctor's torso, fumbling with the clasp of his pants for a moment before it came free, allowing him to brush against the Doctor's erection. The Doctor pushed up, encouraging Jack to push his pants down further.

The Doctor's cock throbbed against Jack's belly, hard, and close to coming already after months of denying himself. Jack wrapped his fingers around it, thrusting his tongue into the Doctor's mouth as he stoked, steadily and firmly, the Doctor gasping softly into Jack's mouth as he did. This moment wasn't going to last long. Jack wasn't going to make the Doctor wait any longer then he already had, as much as he wanted to linger, to relish in the feel of the Doctor coming undone beneath him.

His movements sure and expert, Jack felt the Doctor's cock harden, reaching that tipping point. Jack pushed his tongue into the Doctor's mouth, wanting to feel the Doctor's orgasm as intimately as he could. He stroked harder as the Doctor came, feeling his cock pulse in his fingers, feeling hot come spill over them, rubbing between them, quickly cooling on his skin.

The Doctor shuddered beneath Jack, body spent. Jack loosened his grip, swirling his fingers in the Doctor's come. The Timelord panted softly as Jack pulled back, wanting to take in the sight. The Doctor glanced up at Jack, expression vulnerable, but the moment was fleeting.

The Doctor twisted his body, sliding out from beneath Jack. He pulled his pants up as he stood, leaving Jack awkwardly leaning against the chair. Jack pushed himself to his feet, reaching out to touch the Doctor, but he backed away. The Timelord's hand shook as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor avoided Jack's gaze, but Jack could see him fighting to put back up all his defences. Fortifications built of guilt, grief and self hatred that Jack had wanted to tear down.

The Doctor took another step backwards before looking up at Jack, the expression on his face unsettling in its intensity. Raw pain written in impossibly old eyes, as all the walls tumbled against the tide of unchecked emotions.

It felt as though the floor beneath Jack's feet dropped away. He had done this; pushed, ripped, his way past what little was holding the Doctor together.

"Should I leave?" Jack asked darkly, hating himself more than he had in centuries.

"No," the Doctor answered, the word a torn whisper, before he turned and walked away.

Jack swallowed thickly, he had pushed too far, but it was too late. He had wanted the Doctor to let him in, and he had. All the walls were crumbled into dust, and he could only hope the maelstrom of their combined anguish and pain let loose wouldn't destroy them both.

There was nowhere left to hide, to run. They would rebuild themselves together, or not at all.


End file.
